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This article is from Today's Native Father, issue #97, May/June, 1998. Related articles from this issue:
To Spank or Not to Spank
Children of Conflict
Changing an Older Child's Behaviour

Dear Moms,

I'm reading a book entitled DISCIPLINES OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. I want to be beautiful, especially in my spirit. I want the results of discipline. But being disciplined? Are beauty and discipline double first cousins? I'd just as soon have the beauty, and skip the discipline! It seems that discipline takes work, pain, sacrifice, tears, perseverance, everything that isn't fun.

We love being around women who seem to have their act together. They maintain their weight, keep a schedule, don't drink or do drugs and don't spend too much. They enjoy family and friends and have time for hobbies. We admire women who are disciplined and in control of their lives.

But then there is the mom who drags herself out of bed in the morning. Hair stays uncombed; it's already late. Children are late for school, again! Gulp down some cold cereal. Hurry up! Where is your homework?

She flops down in front of TV: favorite soaps coming up. Cup of coffee in one hand, cigarette in the other, box of donuts nearby. Hubby comes home for dinner. No one home. House a mess. She's still in town.

Children come home from school. You what? Lost your homework? And you! Can't you give me a hand for a change? Help with supper, why don't you!? Besides I gotta go to Bingo tonight!

Can out-of-control moms raise in-control children?I thI think not. We cannot expect our children to be something we aren't.

Is being disciplined boring and joyless? Actually, I find that when I have my life in order and am disciplined in my speech, attitudes and life-style, I am free and fulfilled. There IS joy and beauty in my life. I love it! I have energy to give to my husband and a clearer focus on what I desire for my children.

Often we feel powerless to do what is right. Depression and anger take over. Our priorities are mixed up and Jesus has fallen to the bottom of the list. We find we are slowly losing control over things in our life that started out being good and healthy. We lose our "voice" and can't say yes or no to things. Example: that box of doughnuts says, "Eat me. Eat me." We must obey, you know. That rage inside says, "Express me. Express me." So we blow up.

Having a sense of hope and purpose for being disciplined helps us to keep on. There are no easy steps and quick solutions. Yes, it does take day-by-day choices, sometimes minute-by- minute. Doing what is right, what leads to inner beauty, may not always be fun, but it leads to joy and freedom.

That is what I long for. I want to be a good example to my children. When I get to the end of my life, you can be sure I won't be saying, "Oh, I wish I had been more lazy. Why didn't I watch more TV? I'm sorry I read my Bible so much."

Today is my day to start living a more disciplined life, one area at a time, with the Lord's strength.

Meditating on Hebrews 12,

Ilva

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