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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #97, May/June, 1998. Related articles from this
issue: |
TO SPANK OR NOT TO
SPANK by David Hertzler |
| Should I spank my child?
The debate rages between advocates of "Spare the rod and spoil the child" and those who deplore the negative effects of such discipline. Both sets of parents have the same goals. They want well-trained, self-disciplined children. Few parents want their children to be unruly and disorderly. What training methods will best achieve this goal? As long as we focus only on methods, there will only be more disagreement. It may be easier to agree on a climate for discipline. Effective discipline assumes that the following conditions are true. Relationship. The child knows that you love him and care about him. You have earned the child's trust, so that he knows you are acting for his good. The child has forgiven you for any former breach of trust. Most important, the child senses love and agreement between both parents . Understanding. The child understands clearly what you expect of him. This assumes open communication between parent and child. You do not discipline your child for violating instructions that he is too young to understand. You understand the child's motives and gather all the facts before proceeding with discipline. Fairness and Consistency. Discipline is according to a plan based on principles to which you are committed. It is predictable, designed in a way that the child knows what to expect from you. It fits the offense. You do not, for example, deprive a child of his lunch and dinner for spilling his milk at breakfast. Privacy. Discipline administered publicly or in the presence of a child's peers seldom works well. You find a place where you can be alone with the child. Self-Control and Balance. You do not use anger or sarcasm to discipline the child, and he does not feel justified in doing the same to others. You "cool down" before you discipline so that you do not over-react. You balance all negative measures with positive responses: praise, appreciation, rewards and recognition. If you have met all these conditions, and spanking still seems advisable, then do so with love and restraint. Some parents, however, discover that when they meet these conditions they are able to find effective alternatives to spanking. What if you do not meet these conditions? Then any form of discipline, as well as lack of discipline, is more likely to be abusive than corrective. It will tend to stir up anger in the child, an action which the Bible instructs parents to avoid. "Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger, but rear them in the training and discipline...of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4 Amplified Bible). For more on child discipline, read Family Studies |
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