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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #144, March/April,2006. Related articles from this issue: |
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Fathers Cast a Long Shadow Dear Mothers, Over the years I have talked with a number of young women about the relationships they have with their fathers. More often than not, I’ve been troubled by the stories I’ve heard. Even grown women weep because they want their father’s love and affection. Many have no hope of ever hearing a word of appreciation, acceptance or thanks from their dad. And certainly not “I love you.” As we chat together I have asked,”Would you feel comfortable taking your dad out for breakfast, just to get acquainted with him?” I have given them some ideas for subjects they could talk about. Very few women feel free to talk to their dad on a casual basis, as a father and daughter should. Mostly they are amazed that I would even suggest such a thing. Fear, even terror, is a common response. As I reflect on the relationship I have with my dad, I often forget that many women are living with a ragged “father-wound” that is unhealed. This part of their heart will always be empty and aching, even after marriage. There will be no other man who will be able to take the place of Dad. No other man can give a daddy’s love. My daddy has given me a special gift: his heart. Countless times we have eaten breakfast together and talked. I listened to him while we worked in the garden, rode to work together or visited over meals. I heard him talk about Scripture, the meaning of life and his childhood. Many times I heard him say, “I love you.” Even as a grown woman I could sit on his lap. He has told me over and over how special I am to him. He has expressed appreciation of how I was doing as a wife and mother in my family. He used to call me almost every Sunday morning when we lived a great distance from each other. He was generous with his time and resources. I never felt that I could ever repay him with what I offered him as a daughter. He was faithful to my mother, who suffered with Parkinson’s Disease. What a gift! He was a faithful member of his church and taught his children to love the Lord and live for Him. He worked hard and used his money wisely. Although I have needed to work through some painful things from my childhood, this is one wound I have not had to deal with. I have always known that my daddy loved me. I have been able to talk to him any time. He is now 86 years old and I am almost 61. He is still my daddy, and I love him very much. I cannot promise that you will ever have your daddy’s love. But I know that there is much that can be healed in relationships if both are willing to love and forgive, if both father and daughter can be willing to listen to each other. The Lord is gracious and loving. He is a miracle worker, even in hearts of fathers and daughters. Sometimes it isn’t the dad’s fault. It could easily be a daughter problem. Amazingly, the last verse in the Old Testament speaks of the hearts of fathers and children being turned toward each other. You may not have your daddy’s love, you may not even know your daddy. But there is a Perfect Heavenly Father who has more love than you can ever absorb. He loves you! Maybe you have been given a bad impression of what He is like by the way your daddy has treated you. I hope you will have enough courage to read His Love Letter, the Bible, to find out what He is really like. May there also be a godly man in your life who can give you an idea what a daddy should be like. Fathers cast long shadows, down through the genera-tions. But God, our heavenly Father, is eternal. His shadow is where there is comfort, rest and love, not fear, distrust or terror. Take Him out for breakfast and have a long chat, OK? In His image, Ilva |
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