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This article is from Today's Native Father, issue #142, December/January, 2005. Related articles from this issue:
Maintaining Family Foundations
Houses of Cards: Weak Foundations to Avoid
What Does it Take to Make a House a Home?

Foundations for Family Life
by David Hertzler

Let’s say that you have hired me to fix up this shack for you to live in. Guess what my first question would be. “What kind of foundation do you want to build on?” You don’t really want to spend all that time and money fixing up the house, and then set it on four little concrete blocks, do you?

But that is what some couples do. Their marriage and family life is falling apart and full of holes, like this shack. They come to the counsellor and say, “Fix us.” And the counsellor wonders, “What kind of foundations do they have to build on?”

I want to show you four foundations that are found in all the good families I have met.

First and most important is a spiritual foundation. It is our spirit that makes us human. When God created man, He “breathed into his nostrils the breath (spirit) of life.” No other living creature was made that way. The human spirit forms a connection with God that is found in no other created being. A relationship with God the Creator forms a strong foundation for all other human relationships. Some families fall apart because this foundation is weak or neglected.

A spiritual foundation gives a place to build a personal foundation. We learn from God and from our parents how to relate to the people around us. We form a support net-work of human relationships. But maybe some couples have never learned good ways of relating to people. Perhaps they were neglected or abused. Building a personal foundation may mean forgiving parents and others who hurt us and repenting of the hurts we gave to others. It is best to do this before building the next foundation, which is...

Marriage. We want security for our family. So do our children. Mar-riage is an important foundation for this security. The commitment and love we give to each other as husband and wife does more for parenting than any other skills we can learn.

Last and by all means least are parenting skills. There are lots of books, tapes and videos full of good strategies for parenting. These are helpful if our other foundations are strong. If our foundations are weak or missing, no amount of parenting skill can make up for them.

If the foundations need repair, there is help and there is hope. Some dads keep wishing that “God will throw me a bone.” But it doesn’t work that way. God does help us beyond what we deserve. But if we have been making wrong choices, we have to start making right ones. If we have been believing lies, we have to start believing the truth. If we have closed our hearts to other people, we have to open them again. These are within our power to do. We will find that God will work through our right choices and beliefs and will help us strengthen our weak foundations. It’s never too late to stop doing wrong and start doing right.

If the foundations are already strong, the good news is that there’s more. There are things we can do in all four foundations to enrich and beautify our family life. This is a life-long journey of learning which we can start today.

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