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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #137, January/February, 2005. Related articles from this issue: |
Power of life or death in the tongue A letter to mothers by Ilva Hertzler |
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Dear Moms, In the Bible is a passage I’ve read many times. This week I discovered it again. Each time I read it with amazement and a troubled heart. James, the brother of our Lord Jesus, wrote about the power of the tongue. We do some strange things with that piece of muscle in our mouths. The tongue is small compared to the rest of our body. James compares it to the rudder of a boat, or the bit we put in a horse’s mouth. If we never make a mistake in what we say, we can control our whole being, as a boat is controlled by a rudder or a horse is controlled by a bit. But James also says the tongue is like a spark that can set a whole forest on fire. It is like a fire that spreads evil through our whole being. We can tame all kinds of animals, but we have never been able to tame our tongue. We curse those around us and then go to church and give thanks to God. This should not be! Does sweet water and salty water come from the same well? Do fig trees grow olives? NO! But listen to what comes out of our “religious” mouths! Women around the world read this letter. We speak many languages: Oji-Cree, Spanish, Hindi, French, various dialects of English. No matter what language we speak, we all have trouble controlling our tongue. If there were a way to listen to yourself speak for the last several days, would you be shocked at this tongue of yours? Are you speaking words of life or words of death? We women have sharp tongues, and often our speech starts a fire that hurts our husbands, our children, our friends, our community and ourselves. I think of how I complain to God. “It’s so hot!” “God, DO this, Do that.” “WHY did you do this or that?” “Make him understand me.” “God, why did you let this happen to me?” “Make it stop raining.” “God, pleeeease!” “God, I’m so tired of bills, bills, bills!” “Help me to lose weight.” “God, I just can’t do things like she does.” “I just feel like dying!” “God, why did you make me this way?” I think of the things women say to themselves. “I’m stupid.” “I’m fat.” “I can’t.” “There’s not enough time.” “I’m bored.” “No one likes me.” “I wish MY husband was like that.” “I’m not very creative.” “I’m ugly.” “ Not AGAIN!” “I’ll NEVER do anything right. I ALWAYS do it wrong.” The words we say to our husbands can cut them down and make them feel like wimps. “Where WERE you?” “Why can’t you understand me?” “Why are you SO lazy?” “WHY don’t you help me with the kids?” “Not tonight, DEAR!” “I can’t. I’m busy.” “YOU do it for a change.” “GET A GRIP!” “WHEN are you going to fix this?” “I TOLD you the last time what I meant.” “Other men do, why not you?” Our precious children sometimes get the heaviest end of what we say. “I’m going to count to three! One, two, three. Did you hear me? One, two, three!” “Wipe your hands. Wipe your nose. Wipe your bum. Wipe the floor. You didn’t wipe it clean!” “Why didn’t you tell me BEFORE we got in the car?” “Get up. Go to bed. Sit down!” “Are you coming? I’m leaving now. Bye! I’m leaving now. Are you coming? Bye! Did you hear me? You’ll have to stay here all by yourself if you don’t come NOW!” “I said No! And I mean it! Don’t ask me one more time.” “You heard me the first time. Mommy is going to go CRAZY if you say that one more time.” “Quit it, NOW.” “I TOLD you NOT to do that. Now look what you’ve done. You are so BAD!” “EAT!” “NO. Don’t you know what NO means?” “Now go to sleep. This is the LAST drink you can have!” We don’t usually use “death words” like these with our friends. Why do we use them with our family? Would you enjoy listening to yourself speak? Do a heart check, a voice/tone check. Ask God to help you to be kinder. No matter what language we speak, let’s use words of life. God wouldn’t mind some praise and thanksgiving, either. Blessings to all of you, Ilva |
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