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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #136, November/December, 2004. Related articles from this issue: |
Showing Love to My Husband A letter to mothers by Ilva Hertzler |
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Dear Moms, After 37 years of marriage, my husband and I are more in love than ever. We enjoy being together and don’t have any plans of separating. But if he ever does leave me, I’m going with him! That’s what I tell him. I could write a long list of the ways he expresses his love to me. I think I receive from him much more than I give to him. But he isn’t interested in comparing notes! So we continue to live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, eat at the same table, and worship the same God. We continue to be patient with the same irritations, more or less. Well, sometimes we aren’t! I’ve been checking my heart these days. How DO I show my love for him? Are my children secure in the knowledge of my love for their dad? It’s one of the best gifts I can give them. Once I was reading the Bible and came across a real eye-opener. l Corinthians 11:9 “... Nor was man created for woman’s sake, but woman was created for man’s sake.” There have been many times that I thought I was “God’s gift to man,” in the arrogant sense of the word, which meant that my husband was here to make ME happy, understand ME and all that. However, I’m getting a different picture as I read this passage. A man reflects the glory of God, and a woman reflects the glory of man. I know there have been times that I’ve brought disgrace to my husband, rather than reflecting honour and respect for him. I am here on this earth to be a helper and companion for my husband, as Genesis 2 states. I have heard my husband teach about family life many times. He emphasizes that a man has a big “respect tank” in his heart that constantly runs dry. We women have a huge “love sponge” in the same place. I have attempted to study my man, to know and understand him. I am finding that he doesn’t need the same type of “love” that I need. The way I love him is by showing him respect, allowing him to be who he is, not comparing him with others. He is unique and God made him that way. God gave him to me to love and appreciate and I don’t need to change anything. His love language is words of affirmation. I compli-ment him often and express appreciation for the things he does for me, for who he is as a man, a husband and a father. I try to be guilty of gossip--loving gossip about my husband. Get it? I have chatted with other wives about the ways they show love to their husbands. One writes notes of love and blessing and places them in spots that he will find them. Another tries to be aware of his desire to be on time to meetings and have the family ready to go. One wife mentioned that she tries not to correct her husband in public. Some make special recipes their husbands enjoy. One lady knows that she should not start talking right away about her day when her husband comes home from work. She tries to give him space for a bit so he can unwind. She also said her husband appreciates “acts of service.” She attempts to keep her eyes open for ways that she can help him. Another way I try to show love for my husband is to keep myself attractive for him. I have seen many couples over the years where the wife has let herself get dumpy and sloppy. Other women have given me wonderful examples of how to stay pretty both in body and heart. Satan does not want contented, happy marriage relationships. Even when we are having the worst struggles in our marriages, there is something we can find that is good about each other. It takes prayer and communication with God and with each other to stay faithful. But it is worth it! Thank you, Heavenly Father, for my wonderful husband. Thank you, Dave. Ilva |
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