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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #136, November/December, 2004. Related articles from this issue: |
Romance Your Wife by Michael Webb |
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What is the most important thing you can give your children to help them feel loved, self-confident, nurtured and at peace? There are many good answers, such as providing a safe, comfortable home; showing unconditional love; setting consistent boundaries; and modeling healthy values. But one important factor too often gets left off that list: loving your wife. I would place it right at the top. You and your wife are the two most important people in the world to your chil-dren. How do you think your child feels when one parent yells at, belittles, taunts or insults the other? I imagine they feel like I did when it was obvious that my parents didn’t love each other. I was torn, hurt, angry, scared and uncertain about my future. It is especially traumatic for children to see their mother, with whom they have had a special attachment, being neglected or hurt by their father. Too many dads fool themselves into believing that the best way to invest in their children’s future is to work long hours so they can live in a nicer neighbourhood and send their children to better schools. In the process, they often end up jeopardizing the element that actually has the most impact on their children’s lives, the relationship between Mom and Dad. What a child’s house looks like on the outside isn’t nearly as important as what it feels like on the inside. Every child has a deep desire to see a committed, loving relationship between the two people he loves most. So, the good news is that, with a little effort and creativity, you can provide your children with security, comfort, peace, stability and health, all by loving your wife. It may seem indirect, but it is very real. Expressions of love between a child’s father and mother should occur not only behind the bedroom door. It is vital for children to hear positive affirmations of their parents’ love for one another. It is equally important to see the parents back up those words with deeds, showing that they really are special to each other. It is giving warm hugs and gentle kisses; lightly scratching backs or massaging shoulders; snuggling together while watching movies; buying gifts or making presents for each other “just because;” talking with each other and laughing out loud. Your children are likely to emulate you when it comes time for them to find a spouse. They may mimic your affection or duplicate your disrespect. Most fathers would love to have a hand in choosing a mate for their children. It is ironic that they don’t realize how much influence they already have. So, start a new habit today. Make it your pursuit to romance your wife on a daily basis, not only on your anniversary, her birthday, Valentine’s Day and the other times when you would plan something special. Michael Webb is editor of The RoMANtic newsletter and author of a syndicated column. He and his wife Athena live in North Carolina. This article used by permission. |
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