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This article is from Today's Native Father, issue #122, July/August, 2002. Related articles from this issue:
The Right Shape for Catching Fish
Your Authority as a Parent
Happy in an Unhappy Marriage

One school teacher has a reputation for turning out exceptionally well-trained students from his classes.

On the first day of class, this teacher commands total silence from the students. Then he says, “It is my job to teach you and your job to learn. Here is what you will learn this year. If you don’t learn it, you will flunk this course. If that sounds like too much for any of you, you had better switch to another course now.”

In thirty years of teaching, this teacher has never had a student drop his course.

The message these students are sending is clear. “We need authority. We want authority. We like teachers who know what they are doing and can help us do what we should.”

This teacher is effective because he knows how to be authoritative without becoming authoritarian.

An AUTHORITATIVE Parent or Teacher. . .

• Respects and is accountable to higher authorities; is secure and confident in his relationships with higher authorities
  
• Communicates warmth and love for those under his authority
  
• Talks to the children, not at them, and also takes time to listen to them.
  
• Makes clear rules with clear consequences, and follows them consistently
  
• Sets a good example for children, both in and out of their presence
  
• Keeps informed on the interests and activities of the children; monitors their lives, communicates concerns and stays with their problems long enough to resolve them
  
• Is imaginative, with a vision for what the children can become; finds creative ways of helping them reach these goals
  
• Produces children who are socially responsible, competent and capable of social initiative, and who have positive feelings about authority that make them willing to trust the ultimate authority of God.
  

An AUTHORITARIAN Parent or Teacher. . .

• Avoids accountability to higher authorities and is often critical of them; OR uncritically accepts and supports higher authoritarian structures
  
• Scores low in both warmth and communication;
  
• Sets high demands with high controls for children, but is either abusive or inconsistent in enforcing them; instills fear in children
  
• Has a private life that violates what he professes publicly; OR is rigid or excessively disciplined and demands the same from others
  
• Distances himself emotionally and physically from children by escaping into his job or other pursuits; may compensate for this by indulging children with material gifts
  
• Produces children who are hostile, negative and defiant; OR children who feel inadequate and pressured and believe no one will love them unless they do something good for them.
  

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