NYM Ministries: Breaking the Will, Strengthening the Spirit(from Today's Native Father #119)

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PRODUCT/RESOURCES INDEX Today's Native Father Archive of Articles Free booklets Marriage/Parenting Tip Calendar of workshops E-mail questions or comments	This article is from Today's Native Father, issue #119, January/February, 2002. Related articles from this issue: An Unbroken Will Balancing Firmness and Tenderness Bringing a Baby into a Hostile World
	Breaking the Will, Strengthening the Spirit by David Hertzler
	When Tommy was ten years old, he wanted to go down the river with two of his friends on a hunting trip. He had been there before with his dad. Tommy’s dad told him he could not go and that he should not bother asking about it again. Later that day, the father saw that his son looked very sad. He knew he had been too harsh with the boy. So he took his son for a walk and explained why he could not go. “The river has two big rapids,” he said. “You boys are not strong enough to carry the canoe over the portage. The current near the rapids is very swift and might upset the canoe if you are not careful. Also, two young boys were out hunting last year, and one accidentally shot the other.” When Tommy heard his father’s reasons, he felt better. He understood that his father was looking out for his safety.* Tommy’s father understands the difference between his child’s will and spirit. The will is the part of the child that wants its own way and makes decisions. The spirit is the part that wants to do right and have good relationships with God and other people. Tommy’s father is able to control his child’s will and strengthen his spirit at the same time. A good horse trainer does this, too. He knows he must break the young horse’s will and teach him to follow commands. But if he abuses the young horse, he may break its spirit instead. A horse with a broken spirit is no good at all. A child with an unbroken will becomes self-willed. He becomes fearful or resentful of authority figures in his life. Because of this fear and resentment, he does not develop the relationships that could strengthen his spirit. He becomes strong-willed and weak-spirited. He lacks the confidence to get along well with other people. His life is driven by his own selfish desires. What things has Tommy’s father done to strengthen his son’s spirit? He has taken time to build a good relationship with his son. This good relationship allows him to bring Tommy’s will under control without hurting his son’s spirit. He values his son and lets him know how much he is worth to his parents. He teaches his son with patience and clear instruction. He walks with God himself, and listens to God’s counsel for his children. He sets limits for his son, while allowing him enough freedom to grow and learn. He warns his son when he does wrong. When necessary, he corrects him without anger. He disciplines wrong actions and attitudes while affirming his son’s personal worth. Even when it is necessary to call his son’s actions “bad,” he never calls his son “bad.” He trains his son in the vital life skills of obedience and restitution. Because of Tommy’s good relationship with his father, he is content to wait for his hunting trip until he is old enough and strong enough to do it safely. 2 *The story of Tommy is from Family Studies, ©1989 by NYM Ministries. Used by permission.