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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #114, March/April, 2001. Related articles from this
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Seeking God's Blessing for my
Husband A letter to mothers by Ilva Hertzler |
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Dear Moms, My husband just left for work. The cloudy day outside seems to match his spirit. He forgot to bring the dog inside last night. He forgot to plug in the block heater on the car this morning when it was minus thirty. The house was cold when he came downstairs to breakfast because the furnace fan quit working. Not only that, there are work-related things that are causing him questions, fears and doubts. I gave him a hug and a silent prayer as he went out the door this morning. As his wife I often wonder how to reach into his heart. What is in there? What are his own struggles and longings? WHO is he? He has faults, too, that get me irritated. WHY doesn’t he change? It is times like this that I appreciate prayer the most. But it isn’t always easy to come up with specific requests and thanksgiving for my husband? It isn’t the same as praying for my children. There is something in me that always seems to want the best for them. But when I try to pray for my husband, there is the constant struggle with memories that cause bitterness. Like most wives, I entered marriage with the expectation that it would be at least a 50-50 deal. I was sure I could handle that. What a shock it was to discover that soon I was giving much more than I thought I was receiving! “No fair!” I thought. I told him so, too, hoping he would change. But that just made things worse. All over the world, no matter what language we speak, we wives have this favorite prayer. In English it would have only three words: “Lord! Change HIM!” If HE would change, then everything would be better! It wasn’t until I started to pray “Lord, change ME” that I found peace in my praying. I had to become willing to lay down my life in prayer for my husband. I had to become willing to be an instrument of God's deliverance in my husband’s life and marriage. I had to be willing to let God work in my own life? It is when I get a glimpse of God's love for my husband that I am confronted with my own cruel, hard, cold unforgiving heart. Sometimes I don’t want to pray God’'s blessings upon him. I’d rather just pray, “Let him be hurt the way the way I have been hurt, thank you God, Amen.” But that is ugly and wicked. Doesn’t God love him and desire the best for him? Didn’t He send His only Son to die for him? Isn’t the resurrection power available for him, too? Who can pray for my husband like I can? Will his father, pastor, supervisor, or co-worker pray for him? Maybe. But not with the same intensity that I can. I have entered into a special life-long covenant with him, having left father and mother and become one with my husband. We are now a team even when that team spirit seems fractured beyond repair. In every broken relationship there is at least one hard heart. Let it not be mine. Hard hearts keep us from seeing the bigger picture that God sees. And don’t I need prayer, too? Shouldn’t my husband pray for me with the same fervour and passion? Of course he should. Thank God that sometimes he does. If my husband did not pray for me, he would be the loser and God would deal with him. I long for prayers like this. I can ask my husband to pray for me, I can pray that he will pray for me, but I cannot demand it. Praying for my husband must be an act of unselfish, unconditional love and sacrifice on my part. My spiritual maturity and joy must not depend upon whether he prays for me. I am glad to have found other women to partner with me in prayer. God is showing us together how to make our hearts right, how to be faithful, how to seek God’s blessing on our husbands. “Lord, change me!” Ilva |
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