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This article is from Today's Native Father, issue #112, November/December, 2000. Related articles from this issue:
    Raising boys: not the same as raising girls
    Life skills for boys
    The unique challenge of raising boys

I have one daughter and I love her. She and her husband live a great distance from us. Phone calls, e-mails and occasional visits are part of our relationship these days. Oh, how I miss her and long to be closer.

Maybe some day!

She is now an adult and I wonder in joy and amazement at what I am seeing. Is this my daughter! I marvel at the way our relationship ebbs and flows, the way it has enriched my life over the years. Mothers and daughters learning to be friends—there's nothing quite like it.

What is happening between you and your daughter? Who is she? Who are you? What kind of daughter have you been? What kind of mother have you been? What kind of woman is your daughter becoming?

I’m excited about learning to know my daughter in new ways as our relationship goes along. No one stays the same for long. Each daughter, no matter what age, is unique and special. It will take a lifetime to learn to know her.

Debra Evans in her book Kindred Hearts describes the “identity diagram,” a basic chart of a person’s one-of-a-kind qualities and characteristics. It is a tool which can help us affirm and honour our daughters by helping us to recognize our daughter’s loveable uniqueness. Here are some ways to reflect about her.

• Present-at-birth characteristics. She is worthy of love, a valued creation, has a unique personality, known by Christ.
• Personality and temperament. What are your daughter’s unique, built-in emotional attributes, intellectual qualities, and ways of relating to others?
• Gifts and talents. What are her God-given skills, aptitudes, and abilities?
• Passions and preferences. What are her likes and dislikes, hobbies and interests, tastes and inclina-tions acquired since childhood?
• Beliefs and values. How does she relate to God and to everyone and everything in the world around her?
• Goals and aspirations. What could be her wide-ranging assortment of hopes and dreams that are inspiring your daughter’s future outlook? Do you know her favourite friends, pet, perfume, foods, family tradi-tions? What is her favourite colour, musician, flower, or gift? Would you know what her “blue-sky” dream is?

I look back to the relationship I had with my mother. I am comforted by our love for each other and pained by the losses. I’ve now had 25 years of being a mother myself. I have similar emotions as I think about my daughter. I commit myself to loving her uncondi-tionally, respecting and honouring her and praying for her. I’m anticipating learning to know her and being challenged by what she offers me as that special woman in my life.

I’m hoping for that Eunice-Lois relationship, the mother-grandmother team who taught Timothy the Scriptures (2 Timothy 1:5).

Now that is a mother-daughter relationship!

With love for my daughter,

Ilva