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This article is from Today's Native Father, issue #111, September/October, 2000. Related articles from this issue:
You're Not Listening! Turn Down the Noise
Communication Blocks
Seven Simple Listening Skills
Marriage is...

Seven Simple Listening Skills
Gerard Egan has taught listening skills to a generation of counsellors and family members. Here are some of his suggestions.

1. Open posture. Crossed arms and legs and a turned back communicate the message, “I’m not really interested in what you have to say.” Use a posture that tells the other person, “I’m open to what you want to tell me.”

2. Get down to their level. For a child, this may mean squatting, for an adult, sitting down.

3. Stay focused. Don’t let your eyes wander.

4. Stay relaxed. If you fidget nervously, the other personmay wonder what is making you that way and may get the feeling that you would rather be somewhere else.

5. Read nonverbal behaviour. Watch the speaker’s posture, body movements and gestures; notice frowns, smiles, raised eyebrows, twisted lips and the like; listen to voice quality, pitch, intensity, emphases, pauses and inflections. Often HOW something is said will tell you more than WHAT is said.

6. Give nonverbal feedback by nodding, making your eyes light up or raising your eyebrows. This lets the other person know you are listening and can encourage him to keep talking.

7. Restate in your own words what you have heard. This lets the other person know that you understand and gives opportunity to explain anything that wasn’t clear.

Adapted from Gerard Egan, The Skilled Helper, Cole Publishing Co., 1986



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