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This article is from Today's Native Father, issue #111, September/October, 2000. Related articles from this issue:
You're Not Listening! Turn Down the Noise
Communication Blocks
Seven Simple Listening Skills
Marriage is...

Communication Blocks
A Family Bible Study by David Hertzler

Instead of listening, adults are often quick to use one or more of the following communication blocks. These have a way of injuring the speaker’s self-esteem and putting a stop to conversation. Imagine how each of the following stories could have been different if someone had used good listening skills. Ask your spouse or a friend to help you act out the stories the way they might have turned out if the persons in the position of power had been Good Listeners.

Appeasing Genesis 16:1-6. Instead of trying to under-stand what was really in his wife’s heart, Abram gave in to her demands.

Placating 1 Samuel 1:1-8. Instead of encouraging his wife to talk about her pain, Elkanah minimized it by reminding her how “good” she had it.

Sarcasm Genesis 30:1-2. Jacob tried to show his wife how wrong her attitude was by getting angry and making her feel ridiculous.

Moralizing (Preaching) Genesis 37:9-11. When Joseph shared his dream with his father, Jacob scolded him and told him that it was wrong to think that way.

Giving Advice Judges 14:1-3. Samson’s parents tried to influence him with their own arguments and opinions, sending the message, “You don’t have the good sense to come up with your own solutions.”

Commanding Ruth 1:8-18. In her grief, Naomi’s heart was closed to her daughters-in-law. Instead of allowing them to share what was in their hearts, she tried to resolve the situation with high-level commands.

Psychologizing 1 Samuel 2:22-25. Grieved by his sons’ behaviour, Eli asked them “Why?” This is a conversation block because children will seldom be able to answer this question.

Interrogating John 9:13-34. The religious leaders didn’t really want to know the truth. They were convinced that somebody had done something wrong and were determined to dig up enough evidence for an accusation.

Know-it-all Job 4:1-7. Eliphaz could think of only one reason for Job’s troubles: “You have sinned.” He was unwilling to seriously consider Job’s questions or feelings.

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