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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #110, July/August, 2000. Related articles from this
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Connie's Story: Forgiveness and Healing
from Abortion by Ilva Hertzler |
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IConnie shared her story with me and gave me permission to share it with you. In 1980 she had moved to a new town, didn't know anyone, and was far away from family. She was under extreme mental, emotional, financial and marital stress. She also had a toddler and a small infant, when she found out she was pregnant for the fourth time in five years (she had miscarried her first child). She thought her life was over. How could she have this baby? Finally she decided to have an abortion. It was legal, wasn’t it? And medical professionals wouldn’t do something harmful, would they? Connie was between 9-12 weeks when she went to the clinic. There were 34 women waiting for the same procedure that morning. Everything was streamlined. They took her money, and gave her medicine to make her drowsy. She was told it was just a mass of tissue similar to a tumour. Even the nurse said there was nothing to it and it was the right thing to do. She had had several ‘procedures’ and used them as her form of birth control. While Connie was waiting, a man came in, asked his mate for forgiveness and took her home. Her time in surgery is a blur. She does remember the pain and cramping. She was crying out, asking them to please stop because she couldn’t stand the pain. They were telling her to quiet down. No one had told her about the pain; they don’t give pain medication for that. The machines they used sounded like dental equip-ment. Because she didn’t experience any bleeding or other complications, she was allowed to go home after only one hour's recovery. Her soul began filling up with emptiness and darkness, a deep sense of remorse. Physically, she began getting weaker until she needed to go to the hospital for intravenous fluids, blood and antibiotics. She was very sick because of the infection she received from the improperly sanitized abortion equipment. Her internal organs became scarred. Another pregnancy would be truly a miracle. For the next 18 years her life was miserable. She became detached from her children; she felt like an unworthy mother. She isolated herself from family, friends and God. She rarely left the house. Sleeping was a way to pass the time. She had panic attacks and anorexia. Many times she would wake up hearing her baby cry. Fear was her constant companion. Not long ago she came in contact with a Crisis Pregnancy Centre. It was during this time that she had a vision of a beautiful garden. There were sounds of laughter and life everywhere. Children were playing and one of them came near Connie. This child was beautiful and told Connie that she loved her and forgave her, that she was all right and whole. As Connie began studying the Bible with others, she began understanding the compassion of Christ, His healing power and forgiveness. She planned a beautiful memorial service for her daughter Nikki, the name she chose for her aborted baby. During her time of heal-ing, Connie made a lovely doll for Nikki. One of the things Connie missed the most was being able to hold Nikki while she was nursing, look into her eyes and tell Nikki she was loved. Making this doll brought completeness and healing to her life. The hardest thing she has had to do was to tell her children. Her son, she hopes, will one day forgive her. Her other daughter has found compassion and forgiveness in her heart and their relationship continues to grow. But Connie’s relationship with her husband continues with much pain and conflict. Connie writes, “In spite of whatever has happened to you, God is able to recover, reclaim, restore, renew and rebuild whatever has been broken. Jeremiah 17:14 (NIV) says ‘Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.’ I have found forgiveness at the feet of Jesus.” With love and compassion, Ilva Isaiah 61:3 |
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