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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #109, May/June, 2000. Related articles from this
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A Man of Rage/A Changed Man by Rhoda Kakegamic |
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I look at my husband and I marvel at the change in him. I used to pray that he would be like this. A man who really cares for his family. A man who does not rage at us. A supportive man. I knew that the same God who originally made this man could be the only One to change him. But he was a Man of Rage. His opinion was the only one that mattered. He was right, even when he was wrong. If you disagreed with him, his very short fuse would blow. So, it was best not to say anything. If he wanted to go somewhere, off he went. If he wanted to buy something, even if he didn’t have the money, he bought it and expected me to pay for it. After all, I had a job and he didn’t. Getting to work required a one-mile walk to the bus stop, an hour on the bus and then a ride on the subway, one way! When I got home I still had to cook supper because my husband, who had been home all day, hadn’t done it. After our first child, he finally found a job and I stayed home. But now his job consumed all his energy. There was nothing left for his family. When his son was sick and needed supplies from the store, he got angry when I asked him to go. He needed his supper and his sleep so that he could work the next day. This man was Head of the House. After all, didn’t the Bible say so? He could watch things on TV that I was not allowed to watch—it was too worldly. I was not allowed to express opinions. The Bible said that the wife was to be silent. He thought he was a good Christian, but he was filled with rage that he couldn’t control. But this was still a two-partner relationship. It took two to keep it going. I did this by becoming the enabler. By submitting to his rage, I enabled it to continue. We both needed to change. One day the situation came to a head. I tried to tell him how I was feeling. He became more angry than I had ever seen him before. I went over the edge too, and we began shoving each other. Then I swore at him, something I had never done as a Christian. He shoved me hard against the wall, banging my head. I threatened to leave him and take the child. He said, “Go ahead.” I went to a friend’s house for two weeks. He calmed down and was sorry. He wanted me back, wanted his routine back, especially his meals. I explained to him that things had to change, really change, before I would come back. If being a Christian didn’t bring change, I didn’t want to be a Christian, and I didn’t want to live with a “Christian” like him. For the first time in our relationship, he listened. He really listened! That was the start. Twenty-three years later we are still changing. We are learning to depend upon God and His Spirit to meet our needs. God’s Word inspires and guides us. God’s people have come along side and helped us with this change. We have learned to repent of actions that hurt others. Love has grown in our relationship. My husband now gives me a single rose for no other reason than to say, “I love you.” It means more to me than all the flowers in the world. He takes the chil-dren for a ride so that I can have a rest. He stands by my hospital bed after yet another surgery. He washes the dishes. He has no fancy words to express himself. With his actions and gentle spirit, he needs no words. From the bottom of my heart, I thank God for this changed man in my life. God has released him from his rage to become the best husband and father that he can be. Rhoda Rhoda and Cal Kakegamic (see front page article) live in Sioux Lookout, Ontario. This letter is condensed from Rhoda’s stories “A Man of Rage” and “A Changed Man.” Used by permission. |
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