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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #109, May/June, 2000. Related articles from this
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Men Need to Talk to Men by Betsy Mann |
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Times have changed: fathers push strollers, carry the diaper bag, pick out toddlers’ books at the library, bring cakes to the school bake sale. Men are no longer limiting their fathering role to paying the bills. “We need to get together as men to recognize our own abilities,” says one father who looks after his children two days a week. At the evening parenting courses he and his wife are taking at Burnaby Family Place, the group includes three other couples. “I’m coming so I can get the information first hand and draw my own conclusions. I want to learn what my own style of parenting is.” Burnaby Family Place has found that one-night workshops on a particular theme are more expensive than longer parenting courses. In Burnaby, BC, about a quarter of the participants are men. It is observed that the men don’t participate as much if they come with their wife, the prime caregiver. They seem to defer to her authority. According to Colette Thibaudeau, a social worker writing in Le Magazine Enfants Québec, ”Men want to make a place for themselves with their children starting from where they are now. They insist on defining for themselves the role they want to play. They need to talk among themselves about ‘how’ they want to be fathers.” Somehow, talking about these things with women around is intimidating. There is an assumption that women just know about children, so “their judg-ment must be better.” A number of family resource centres are recognizing the need to provide opportunities for men to get together as fathers. In Weyburn, SK, the Family Place reserves two hours every second or third Saturday morning for a program called “Just Me and My Dad.” All parents and caregivers are welcome, but it has been mostly fathers who have been attending. One Ottawa consultant on men’s and fathers’ issues believes that men need other men to teach them about being fathers. It follows that the typical female-dominated family resource centre setting is not suitable to accomplish this goal. Most fathers are approaching parenthood with different cultural expectations than most mothers. They do want to be involved in their children’s lives. The challenge is to design programs that answer their particular needs. Excerpted from “New Times, New Fathers” by Betsy Mann, posted on the Child & Family Canada website by the Canadian Child Care Federation. Used by permission. |
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