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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #109, May/June, 2000. Related articles from this
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The place of the FATHER in the home by Cal Kakegamic |
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There is a crisis taking place in our families, a crisis of the father not taking his place. I have seen this happen in five different ways. The silent father. This father does not involve himself in home activities, communicate with his children or talk with his wife. He withdraws into his own thoughts. He is passive and leaves the mother to manage the home. The emotionally distant father. This father is present and appears to support his wife and children. But he has difficulty expressing his feelings. He cannot communicate to his wife and children what is going on inside. He rarely smiles or shows expression. He is unable to hug his wife and say “I love you” or encourage his children. The absent father. Usually this father is living with somebody else. He refuses to be with his wife and children. This is the kind of father I knew. My parents separated when I was five. I was put into another home. Many times I would cry, “Dad, where are you? I need you.” But there was only silence. Terrible frustration and rage began to develop in my heart. Recently I asked my wife to write a description of what I used to be. She wrote a story entitled “A Man of Rage.” Then I asked her to describe what I am like now. She wrote another story entitled “A Changed Man.” Only God can make this change, and I am grateful to Him for what He has done in my life. The angry father. No matter how they try, the wife and children cannot please this father. He gets upset when the meals aren’t on time. He gets angry when he has to wait fifteen minutes at the mall for his wife while she is shopping. The anger is there all the time, just waiting for an excuse to erupt. This father is unapproachable. His wife and children never know what response they will get if they come to him with something. They live in fear of what he will do next. The abusive father. This father believes that discipline is good for children, but his discipline is abusive. He believes that the father should be the family leader, but he abuses his position as leader. In the end his children become undisciplined and rebel against his leadership. The father is the most powerful figure in a child’s life.Whatever he does makes a big impact on the child. The father’s love makes a positive impact. The father’s anger, silence, absence and abuse make a negative impact. Father Power is the greatest force shaping a child’s personality. I want to start something new among our First Nations. I want to break the cycle of fathers’ negative impact on their children. I want to send my people the message, “You can do this. God is right there at your door to help.” Cal Kakegamic is an Oji-Cree counsellor and pastor. He lives with his wife and children in Sioux Lookout, Ontario. This message has been recorded by Cal on videotape and is available from NYM Ministries. Ilva |
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