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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #108, January, February, 2000. Related articles
from this issue: |
Looking for Love in the Wrong
Places by Gary Quequish |
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Those who engage in premarital or extramarital relationships are searching for “healing” in their lives. J. Allan Petersen writes that if a girl has had wholesome contact with her dad, she is less likely to be sexually vulnerable to the first guy who holds her hand. For a boy, the dynamics would work out differently. A boy’s self-image mostly convinces him of his insignificance, as opposed to unacceptability for a girl. Today, with the majority of children living in broken homes, children as never before are staggering to and fro in search of refuge to relieve their fainting souls. A youth’s newly discovered sexuality gives hope that acceptance and impact can be found in another person. For the married couple who have made it through the honeymoon months or years, there comes a day of awakening called “when the honeymoon is over.” Collectively or separately, they realize that need for their individual desires. Some begin to bury them-selves in their career. Others begin to doubt the wisdom of having married this spouse. The net result of “the honeymoon is over” syndrome is that the individual feels unloved and/or worthless. The man may not even be aware of his compelling need to restore a slipping self-image and the temptation to satisfy that need through the flattering attention of a younger woman. The woman, on the other hand, may desire to bring a stabilizing control to her life (through an extramarital affair), or she may simply desire companionship. In John 4 Jesus is seen sitting beside a well. He is engaged in conversation with a woman who sought refuge and significance with six different men. His purpose that day was to invite her to ask Him for a drink of “living water” so that she would thirst no more. Only a deep personal relationship with Christ, wrought by the Holy Spirit’s internal work of repentance in one’s life, can provide the soul with all the love and meaning it needs to walk without these man-made crutches. Gary Quequish is an Oji-Cree pastor and counsellor in Sioux Lookout, Ontario. These excerpts are from his paper “Disentangling Premarital and Extramarital Sexual Involvements.” Used by permission. |
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