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This article is from
Today's Native Father, issue #104, July/August, 1999. Related articles
from this issue: |
Who is a Successful
Mom? A letter to mothers by Ilva Hertzler |
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Dear Moms, My children are grown now and live independently. We taught them the best way we knew. But as a mother, I often felt alone and unwise. Motherhood was a difficult role to fill. Now as I relate to my adult children, I am reminded of my failures. I gratefully acknowledge the blessings and delight I have in knowing my children love me. However, there are times I focus so intensely on the failures that I do not feel like a “successful” mother. Do you also wonder what it takes to be a successful mother? Are your children a big disappointment to you? I know your heart must ache, and groans which words cannot express pour out. Tears come unexpectedly, and emotions which cannot be trusted. Years ago a dear friend wrote an editorial which I clipped and carry in my Bible. With her permission I’ll share some of the questions she asked. “Who is the successful Christian mother? Easy! The one whose children are Christians! Christian! By whose standards? The parents’? The pastor’s? Fifty percent of the church? All or none of these? Christian! By what age? Six? Twenty-one? Seventy-five? Christian! How many? Most of them? All of them? Christian! What type? Average? Very active? Within the parents’ church? When is the label placed? When the youngest child joins church? When the last child leaves home? When the mother dies? When the grandchildren are all grown? Who is the successful Christian mother?” Another friend was sharing her own past heartaches which even now bring tears to her eyes. Her sons had been taught about God. But both sons were into drugs, had left their wives, and in general had made a wreck of their lives. For six years she hadn't heard from one son. Was she a failure? As mothers, we all know we have failed. But how many failures does it take to make ME a failure? No matter how good your teaching and example were, your children retain their freedom to make right and wrong choices. That freedom is part of being human. If they come to God at any age, it is the Holy Spirit who will create that desire, not you. Your child can choose to say Yes or No to Jesus. Children from the worst of homes have been gloriously saved and now live honourable lives. Children from the best of homes have wasted their lives in destructive living. For myself, I am attempting to change my sinful styles of relating to my children and to live with a servant’s heart. I am praying for them as I never have before. I am loving the Lord with all my heart, soul, might and strength. My mother-instincts sometimes cause me to over-protect my children. For this also I repent. Most of all, I look to Jesus, who loves them far, far better than I ever can. Let’s pray for each other and not faint by the way. Ilva |
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