NYM Ministries: Why Good Kids Make Good Victims (from Today's Native Father #103)

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PRODUCT/RESOURCES INDEX Today's Native Father Archive of Articles Free booklets Marriage/Parenting Tip Calendar of workshops E-mail questions or comments	This article is from Today's Native Father, issue #103, May/June, 1999. Related articles from this issue: How to Raise a Sex Offender The Ancient Boundaries Mothers and Daughters
	WHY GOOD KIDS MAKE GOOD VICTIMS
	We (unknowingly) train our children to be victims,” claims Lt. Dick Willey, commander of the Child Abuse Unit for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. Willey says that parents who try hard to be responsible and raise well-behaved children can actually set them up for abuse. Here are five key ways in which the value system of “good” kids can make them ideal victims. 1. Respect your elders. If an adult tells you to do something, do it! Respecting authority is an area which Christian parents can easily oversimplify. Do your children know about misuse of authority? Has your family ever discussed proper times for disobedience? 2. Don’t be a tattletale! Willey stresses that the best way to protect. . .is to establish the rules early. “If anybody touches you and makes you uncomfortable, tell me. I don’t care who it is—Daddy, Uncle, Grandpa, a neighbour—you tell me. We will make sure it doesn’t happen again.” 3. Children should be seen and not heard. Many parents think they take time to listen, but don’t take their children’s thoughts or conversation seriously. A child who says Uncle Walter makes him feel “creepy” sometimes gets a rebuke. But Dr. Meier, who heads Childhelp USA’s research department, says those kinds of comments from a child should be listened to and followed up. “You should encourage, affirm and reward a child when he tells you his feelings,” he says. 4. Nice people don’t talk about things like that! Children who never talk about sexual feelings with their parents have a very difficult time telling Dad or Mom if they are being molested. Parents should initiate and encourage positive, natural conversations about the role sexuality plays in God’s plan. 5. You’re too big to cuddle! As children’s bodies begin to mature, parents often withdraw physically. Many older children, however, see this as a sign of rejection. Molesters look for withdrawn children who feel rejected and offer them acceptance in order to take advantage of them. One small victim explained, “Bad love is better than no love at all.” From Focus on the Family magazine, November, 1984. This condensation used by permission of author Joanne Feldmeth.
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