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This article is from Today's
Native Father, issue #102, March/April, 1999. Related articles from this
issue: |
What Do Women
Want?? by David Hertzler |
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In a cartoon by David Sipress, a man goes up to the perfume counter and says to the lady clerk, “I’d like to buy my wife a present. What do women want?” Like this man, you have chosen to live with a woman. She has placed you in the centre of her hopes, her dreams, her heart’s desires. Do you know your wife’s hopes, dreams and heart’s desires? Do you know what women want? A wise man of old wrote a list of things women want. It is not really a list. It is a song in praise of “a noble wife,” found in Proverbs 31 in the Bible. The wife in this song is not only noble. She is happy, because she is doing the things most women want to do. Women want to be valued and respected. “Her worth is far above rubies” (31:10). She is not only good; she is “good for something.” Women want to be trusted . “The heart of her husband safely trusts her” (31:11). No amount of perfume can restore the spirit of a woman who receives jealousy or mistrust from her husband, boss or other significant person in her life. Women want to help others, especially their husbands, be successful. “She does him good and not evil...her husband is known in the gates” (31:12, 23). She feels good when the people she cares about are respected and valued. Women want to work with their hands. “She...willingly works with her hands” (31:13, 17). This is no reflection on a woman’s mind. But a woman’s hands are also marve-lous instruments, created to work wonders with fabrics, foods, paints, music, the healing arts and other useful things. Women want to feed and nurture their families. “She...provides food for her household” (31:14-15). She will starve herself if necessary to feed her children and husband. She also loves to give freely to others from the emotional and spiritual abundance of her own soul. Women want to spend, earn and manage money. “She considers a field and buys it...She makes linen garments and sells them” (31:16, 24). Women who are creative and resourceful want to receive fair compensation for their work. Women want to help the needy. “She...reaches out her hands to the needy” (31:20). Her naturally tender heart is touched by the needs of those less fortunate. It is not by chance that Mother Theresa, the world’s best-known humanitarian, was a woman. Women want to be pretty. “Her clothing is fine linen and purple” (31:21-22). Her clothing makes a statement about her character. Perhaps this is why the fashion industry makes more money from women than from men. Women want to display strength and dignity. “Strength and honor are her clothing.” (31:25). She wants to be poised to handle whatever life sends her. Women want to hear and be heard . “She opens her mouth with wisdom” (31:26). Our world needs her feminine intuition to balance masculine logic. It wounds a woman to have people sneer at what she says or to have her intelligence questioned. Women want to be recognized and praised for their inner qualities. “Her husband...he praises her” (31:28-30). The ancient Greeks and Romans wrote that women lacked excellence of soul that men had. The wise man who wrote this song in Proverbs 31 was clearly not a Greek or a Roman. So this woman is happy. Is it because of her own choices and efforts? Partly. But it is also because of the significant men in her life. Likely she had a father who encouraged her finer qualities and provided resources for their development. Now she has a husband who is doing the same. On the other hand, women who have been crushed and wounded in spirit may be very unlike this noble woman. What do you do with a woman who lacks all these beautiful graces and who seems to enjoy being that way? Why not try giving her what other men may have withheld from her: admiration, praise and kindness? Start at the bottom of the list above and watch the qualities at the top blossom. Build your fathering skills with Fathers Studies |
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