Choose Life: Saying No to Suicide-Part 4

Of course you are not Aladdin. You can't call up a genie who will give you a faithful friend. However, there are things you can do to help yourself. Here are some, for starters.

1. Take risks to find a true friend. Don't give up in your search for a person who is wise, reliable and loving, who is not afraid to tell you the truth. This person may not live in your village or even in your province or country. It may need to be a pen-pal or "phone- pal." You might be surprised how many people are just like you, looking for a true friend. So prepare yourself to be a friend, not just to find one.

2. Speak about your inner pain. Start now by writing it in a journal. Maybe you can't share your feelings every day with a friend. But the journal is always ready to listen. And don't just write about your pain. Tell also about any good things that give you hope.

3. Fill your mind with truth. In this Information Age, how can you know for sure what is true? You can't always. But you have to start somewhere. For centuries many people have found that the truest book ever written is the Holy Bible. It's available almost everywhere and in almost every language. Start reading it. You won't understand everything at first, but understanding will come as you keep reading. When you get other information, compare it to what you read in the Bible. Learn to recognize what is true and what is false in the messages that come your way. Then speak the truth to those around you.

4. Develop your skills. You were born with natural talents. Ask several people who know you well to tell you what kind of work they would imagine you doing as an adult. If your school has aptitude tests or vocational preference tests available, ask permission to take them. Find out what your strengths and interests are. Then start building your skills in these areas.

5. Learn to say "No." It's much easier to say "Maybe" or "I don't know." It takes strength to say "No" to things that are wrong. Start small. Find two or three wrong things today to which you can say "No." Write these on a list that you carry in your pocket. Tomorrow add one or two things to the list. You'll probably make some enemies when you say "No" to things they want you to do. But you are building strength for better friendships in the future.

6. Try to build bridges with your parents, especially your father.This may also be risky, especially if your parents are abusive. You may want to have another friend firmly by your side before you try this. Start by admitting the wrong things you have done to them and seeking forgiveness. Keep your boundaries clear, and start the bridge from your side. They might not let you plant the bridge on their side, but you will gain strength from trying. And if you can complete the bridge, you will gain a valuable friend and ally.

7. Learn to handle disappointment. Not everything you try will work out as you hope. Disappointment will be painful. But remember, pain is a signal that you are alive! Dead bodies don't hurt. You canbear pain, with help from God and trusted friends. So don't deny it or deaden it or try to drown it out. Keep the wound clean until it heals.

8. Learn to pray. Don't try to make it fit a formula or pattern. Speak to God as you would to a friend. Use your own words to say exactly what is in your heart. Then listen with your heart. You may not hear anything with your ears. The answers God gives often come as feelings of peace, confidence and strength.

9. Celebrate life! Every day of life is a gift from your Creator. Celebrate it! Sing a song, write a poem, shout a shout, give a gift. Don't let a single day go by unrecognized or uncelebrated. Sure, it's full of pain. But thank God for it. Giving thanks is one of the first steps to making peace with God.

In a classic story by John Bunyan, two travellers lost their way and were travellers who had died in his castle. He told them to kill themselves, because they would never get out. Overcome with pain, one traveller was about to do just that. The other encouraged him to hold on just a little longer. Suddenly the first traveller remembered a key he had been carrying. Its name was Promise, and it would open any door. They tried it in the lock of their dungeon. Sure enough, the door opened. The travellers escaped and went on their way.

You too can arm yourself with strong promises from faithful persons. With these you can conquer pain and despair and keep hope alive.

Keep looking up. Choose life.

As you read this, you may still feel alone. But by reading this booklet, you have been listening to someone who wants to be your friend. We invite you to write or call us.

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